Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Regrets

another woman I know with twins recently wrote a post regarding her regrets as a mother... and it has me thinking.

Regrets... what are mine... and do I want to live with any more?

One of the biggest regrets of my life.... Never before have I felt so guilty.. as in the weeks that followed after I found out we were expecting twins. I felt so completely overwhelmed... with 3 children already... time was tight and I was stretched thin doing things with/for them... I couldnt even fathom the ways adding 2 infants to that mix would affect them and my ability to be there for them....

*They had to take a year off from hockey because we just didnt have enough time/hands/money with new babies in the house.
*I have missed numberous family days/plays/presentations at school.
*Keaton came home and told me Kolby was crying at lunch (two seperate times) because all the other families were there and I wasn't.
*There have been MANY nights when I didn't tuck them in or read them a bedtime story
* I missed field trips for prenatal appointments... Their Christmas concert because I was in the hospital with Knox
*There has been homework left undone, tests failed at school, hot lunch orders missed... all because mom was so busy and forgot, or couldnt help them to study.
*We had to move to a bigger place... leaving their friends in the old neighborhood...and starting next year... Leaving all of their friends and switching to a new school.

It's been a whirlwind of a (almost) first year... and without much for help there have been a lot of things that my big boys had to miss out on... And now that I look back on it... as sad as it makes me that I couldnt be there for them in the way I wanted to and used to be... I'm also filled with SO MUCH JOY... because I look at how much those big boys love those babies... I look at how much fun they have pushing them in the stroller or holding their hands to help them walk...and I know that none of that other stuff counts. That is not the stuff they will remember. Our family is complete... Mom is a little scatterbrained... our days are busy... and they have to help out more than I'm sure any other 5,7 and 9 year old do... But they're happy... the babies are happy... I'm happy... and that's all that matters. No matter how many things don't go my way, or I wish I could do differently... as long as I have 5 smiling little faces every day I dont care how dirty my floors are or how many library books I lose... We've got the best gift of all. Each other.

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